Kara Faith

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2011-11-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

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1 year in Heaven 2.26.11

2011-02-26T21:59:00.000-08:00

Please turn off Kara's music at bottom of blog to watch this video.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thoughts...

2011-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

This coming Saturday, February 26th, is the 1 year mark since Kara Faith flew to Jesus. I really think of it as Friday because that was the true day... Not sure what to do with myself. So much I have wanted to do for her, for me, for the kids, my husband, but things don't allow this. I think sometimes I am just stuck in being sad. I know where she is and I know by the grace of Father God I will see her again when I die, but it still hurts so much NOW. It's hard to fit grieving in with raising my large family, so I've pushed it into this little box and stamped the lid down. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. I want to run away somewhere for a week and deal with all of this, but that's not going to happen. And, I don't know if that would really fix things. I want to have JOY again. Praying for that daily... and hoping I never fall apart.

It's really hard to grieve when everybody needs you. (I need them, too.) There's no time to do it. In a way, over the past year, that may have been a blessing. I don't have time to get stuck in it. I think some people think I should be over this by now. This is just an impression I have. If you can't ever "go there" then how do you get "over it." I will never get over the beautiful gift of life God gave me in my daughter... I am just learning to fall and walk forward, in faith.

(I'm just calling this" Nancy in the Raw.")

A Tribute

2011-02-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

Kara Faith flew to Jesus on 2.26.10. It was a Friday. Today, Friday, is one week from the actual one year mark. We have all been thinking about it. Yesterday, I received an encouraging phone call from my oldest daughter, Celeste, age 19. She is going to college in Illinois and is taking a public speaking course. She starts off telling me that she just left class where she gave a 5 minute speech. She told me that after the other speeches there was applause. The topic--Tribute. I thought she was going to tell me about how she wrote a tribute to her lovely grandmother, Loray Dailey, who was such a magnificent woman. (She passed away in October 2008 from complications from treatment for RA. Celeste also has this condition.) But no, my Celeste told me she gave a tribute to her youngest sister, Kara Faith. She stood in front of a large class and gave testimony to the impact Kara Faith had on her life, and others. I know how hard that must have been to do without crying. When Celeste sat down there was no immediate applause. Half the class was crying...

I am so proud of my daughter, Celeste Marie Dailey. Thank you for honoring your sister, the Lord, your Mom, and your family. Celeste said, "In 49 days she had changed more lives than I have in my 19 years. This shows us that it is not the amount of life that we have… but it is how we choose live it." Kara Faith did this without speaking an audible word. I love you, Celeste. You are just as brave as your littlest sister!

Read notes for Celeste's speech here.

Brokenness

2011-01-28T11:27:00.000-08:00

On this day last year Miss Kara Faith was still alive. She had her trial off of the vent. (See January 28, 2010) I remember being very afraid. I am not afraid anymore. Not for her. The Selah song that is on this blog says that "people say that I am brave, but I'm not. Truth is I'm barely hanging on..." I feel that today. Recent events have caused me to be here again. I am a mother of eight. Only five are home with me now. In the past 30 days my two older children have moved away. I feel Kara's loss that much more. I ache for my children. While there is still plenty of life left to live and children to teach and love, I still feel broken. The other day I got a picture of myself as a shattered clay pot. If someone were to glue that pot back together it would never be as it was before it broke. It may have holes, lines, imperfections. It is true that when something like losing a child happens you will never be the same. I hear you need to find a new normal. This week, Kara Faith has been gone from us for 11 months. I still haven't found my new normal. I begin to wonder when I will settle in--probably not right now as our family is going through more adjustments to living life differently with 2 more children away.

I usually find comfort in the Cross of Christ. I will see her again some day. I know this, but at times I still mourn, I still cry, I still feel crushed, I still wish it all could have been different. I pray that He would bring me JOY on a daily basis and not just in moments here and there. I have HoPE that He will do it. So in the meantime, I wait with expectation. Until then when I am weak, He will be strong.

And now, since it is Friday, I will wear purple, I will go get flowers for her spot, and I will have a donut. And I will remember...

One Singular Sensation!

2011-01-08T05:12:00.001-08:00

Happy 1st Birthday, Kara Faith!
(Turn off the blog music at the bottom of the page to watch this celebration video.)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A Gift for Kara Faith

2011-01-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

Recently, we were out-of-town for Christmas. We came home to a pleasant surprise--the vase for Kara Faith's monument had been delivered and installed. Now there is a lovely place for her flowers. On Friday, Kara's "special" day, I brought out some flowers for her new vase. It appears that white daisies are out of season, but I found a bunch with a pink Gerber Daisy and some other purple flowers, so that was the one. You will notice that we have "Our Little Peanut" engraved on the back of the vase. This is so that her name is listed together with the rest of our family. It is really difficult for me to feel complete without her here...

A neat thing happened when Stuart and I were there to deliver her 1st bunch of flowers. We heard an owl hooting at us from a nearby tree. Why is this special? Stuart loved reading to Kara. One of his favorite books is Owl Moon. Please read my post, Daddy's Gift , about our special memories with this book and Kara. Stuart and I went looking for our feathered friend. We think we located the tree, but he must have been hiding very well. We still have hope... the "kind of hope that flies on shining wings under a silent Owl Moon."

Kara Faith's 1st Birthday is this Saturday, January 8th. Please celebrate with us by wearing purple or lavender in her honor. You can eat donuts or any sweets, too! Please consider donating to your local NICU or children's hospital or donating to String of Pearls. Thank you!

Christmas at Kara's

2010-12-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

Happy 11 month birthday today, sweet Kara Faith! I know you are in Heaven, but it sure made your Mommy feel good to decorate your "spot in the park." We found purple and silver heart-shaped ornaments and hung them on your Dogwood tree. Also, there's a pink stocking with a big, beautiful "K" for Kara. (You can thank Max for that! Your Momma lost it in the middle of Target when he brought it over...) This Christmas season has been a melancholy time. We took your crib out of your room and made it into a toddler bed. Then Mommy moved your boxes and your things and put up the Christmas tree in that spot. Still need to go through some of that, but haven't had the heart to do it. One day soon, I will. Today, Mommy's friend, Lorie, gave her a beautiful ornament for the tree in your memory--it says FAITH. This Christmas it is Mommy's HoPE that we all put our faith in Jesus and celebrate what a gift God gave us when He came into this world. We all know first hand what God can do with a little baby. Until I see you again,

I love you Little Peanut...

It's here!

2010-11-03T21:10:00.000-07:00

We were so excited last Friday when we got the call that North Florida Monument was at Kara Faith's spot in the park to install her beautiful marker. Since Friday is Little Peanut's special day, we were tickled pink to have such wonderful news! A vase will go on the side--it is on order. I hope by spring we will be able to get a bench to put nearby, so the lovely FL red ants won't bother us while we are visiting. I just wanted to share with you all!

Miss Kara Faith's Friday

2010-10-08T06:30:00.000-07:00

On a Friday, at 6:42 a.m. exactly 9 months ago, little 5 pound, 14 ounce Kara Faith was born. Her birthday is January 8th. Today is purple day--the girls will wear purple (or lavender) which is Kara's color. I have many internet friends that wear purple on Fridays in memory of Kara. I am very thankful for their thoughtfulness. Every Friday, after her birth, we would celebrate another week with her by having donuts from Krispy Kreme. Since Little Peanut was born and flew to Jesus on a Friday we have donuts and wear purple. Today is more special than that because it is her "9 month birthday." Stu and I will take daisies to her spot in the park. I will read Psalm 139 over her and sing today for Kara. We are missing her so much. So today I am remembering...

Kara's headstone was ordered almost 2 weeks ago. We are expecting it to be done soon and can't wait to share it here. It is truly beautiful and we are so thankful for it, and her. God has a plan for us even though we can't see it. I am still trusting in Him.

Daisies for Kara

2010-09-03T07:18:00.000-07:00

The Field Daisy

I'm a pretty little thing,

Always coming with the spring;

In the meadows green I'm found,

Peeping just above the ground,

And my stalk is cover'd flat

With a white and yellow hat.

Little Kara, when you pass

Lightly o'er the tender grass,

Skip about, but do not tread

On my bright but lowly head,

For I always seem to say,

"Surely winter's gone away."

(A poem by Ann Taylor--altered by changing the name to Kara.)

Kara Faith left this world during the winter and, surely, just as this poem says, it has "gone away" for her. As we put her little white casket in the ground that early March day the first signs of spring could be seen. I believe those signs pointed to the Eternal Hope that we have in Jesus. He makes all things new! (Rev. 21:5) Kara Faith, you are new now...

A Daughter is a Gift

2010-08-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Celeste holding her baby sister for the first time.

(10 days old)

My 3 girls: Celeste Marie, Eden Joy, & Kara Faith

Moved to Tears

2010-07-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

Max watches over his sweet sister who is 1 week old.

Love is Kara's big brother, Dan. (1 week old)

Daddy holding his little globug--1 day old.

I came across these pictures today and they moved me to tears. In the days after Kara Faith was born my time was limited in going through the pictures and posting on her. I so distinctly remember these moments that are pictured here. First, Kara was 1 day old when we went down to the NICU to visit her and found her under orange & blue bili-lights. Yes, they were orange and blue--Go Gators! I love the sweet picture of her with her daddy. Also, Dan & Max spent many hours in the NICU with their baby sister. Here are a couple of her wrapped up in the EEG wires. They brought tears to my eyes because I hated her having those tests done. They were on her for 48 hours plus that time because it was over a weekend and their tests were done, but no one was around to take them off. At that point, we didn't know exactly how long she would be with us and we just wanted to hold her and love her and the EEG got in the way of bonding with our baby. Both Dan and Max took this in stride and you can see how much they love their sister.

The pain of losing her surfaces in spurts now.

Holding My Breath

2010-06-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

Did you ever hold your breath so that you wouldn't lose the moment? That is what it was like holding her, being next to her. Each moment so wonderful with her sweet spirit I didn't want to let that breath out and lose it, or lose her. Forty-nine days of holding my breath... Days of tension, unforgettable minutes, hours with her. Some days I am holding on to that so tight that I can think of nothing else. What if I forget? Some days I am like a boat lost at sea being thrown this way and that on the waves and not caring where I end up. Today, tonight it came crashing down on me again. I found myself holding my breath once again. It won't bring her back. I want to remember her moving inside of me. I want to freeze the feeling, the moment. I want to feel the weight of her in my arms again and hear her breathing.

Kara Faith had such a sweet, gentle spirit. I am thinking of two people in particular that remarked on it. One was her PT, Jenna, that said she just loved working with Kara because of her sweet spirit. Another was our good friend Donnie who was remarkably affected by her spirit and how much she spoke "life" to him.

Some days I don't know if I will ever recover, if I will ever be the same person I used to be, if I will ever feel joy and happiness for more than a fleeting moment. I'm still holding my breath. I am a much better person for having known her, for having been given the gift of her. I can ask "why?" to God and I can wish it were different, but it doesn't make it so. I do know this though. I will see her again. I will hold her in my arms and I will know that sweet spirit once again.

But for now I am just holding my breath...

Walking the Walk

2010-06-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

It probably wouldn't be a surprise for anyone for me to admit that I struggle some days with the home going of my sweet baby girl, Kara Faith. Recently, I attended a baby shower for a lovely young lady that is having her first baby, a girl. I rejoice with her. What I didn't expect was that during opening the gifts I started to realize that Kara would never wear those cute baby clothes, or take a bath that needed a cute little hooded towel, or use a pacifier. It has been almost 4 months since she left us, but I still have those moments where I'm right back to the last days she was with us, or the feelings I had right after her death. We never had a baby shower for her--not even a small one. In the back of my mind when I was pregnant with her the question was, "How do you have a baby shower for a baby that you don't even know will live?" That was heartbreaking to think of. I suppose it still is.

Here Stu is feeding our baby girl as she sits in the bouncy I bought for her. Even the normal things we did with Kara Faith were extraordinary to us.

Grief is like a roller coaster. Some days you are up and some days you are down. I had someone express to me that has lost a baby recently that sometimes you are afraid you'll get stuck in the spiral on that roller coaster, too. I have had those days and am very familiar with them. My hubby just pointed out to me that we started grieving for Kara Faith at 15 weeks gestation. God has been good to us. He has given us peace during this process. I somewhat feel that that peace is starting to lift and I am feeling her life and loss more acutely than before. It may be that I just stuffed it all in a box and was trying to keep the lid on it because it was too much to deal with at the moment. We made some hard decisions in the wake of her leaving us. Life has just been hard in other areas that would be a challenge under normal circumstances, but we were truly walking through a fire... We are currently praying for direction in how to proceed with schooling our children at home, Stuart's work, and acquiring a new peace and joy in our lives. The "new normal" is a daily adjustment. Jesus is standing right by me through this and is not offended at my ramblings. He can handle my grief. He is the most sure thing that exists in this world.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?.... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8: 35 & 37-39

Noble Purposes

2010-05-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

Part of my purpose in this life is to be Kara Faith's voice. I do this with a trembling faith. I wish she had lived. I would be lying to you if I shared that I had complete peace about the situation. My desire has always been to bring God the Glory through losing her. This is not always easy to walk out. For some reason, and I suppose it's just the way grief is, I have been very sorrowful the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm right back there after she died, but now I don't feel that inner peace that God gave me to get through that rough time. All of life continues and the world goes relentlessly on around me yet my heart still hurts and yearns for my baby. I'm not sure how to come to terms with all of this. I suppose it will take a lifetime. I am currently thinking on what I can carry with me that would be a piece of her. Also, we are getting ready to order her gravestone. I just feel right that it should be heart-shaped and have some writing on the back with possibly our names and "littlest of eight" or something similar. We're just saving our pennies for that. I am just so melancholy. So if you see me around and ask me how I'm doing don't let the smile and the response fool you, there is something deep and unsearchable going on inside. I am pondering these things in my heart. They lead me to Him. Him who made me. Him who made her... And almost every day little Eden Joy draws pictures for her "baby Kara." This warms my soul. Tonight Joshua, age 2, peeked into her crib and whispered her name. These two little ones were the biggest reason I wanted to get her home to be part of our family. Those 4 days. They made a difference to Eden and Joshua. She made a difference to many more...

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?'" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Romans 9:20-21

And Little Miss Kara, I believe you were made for a noble purpose...

(I have been reading I Will Carry You by Angie Smith. Her words have inspired me to share this today. In addition, God directed my eyes to the above scripture during our church service today.)

Love is right here...

2010-05-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Love is right here ~ Love is alive...

Kara Faith's big sister, Celeste, holding Eden Joy and Joshua right after we put Kara in the ground... Her white limo in the background. I came across this picture again today and it is precious.

More of us and her...

2010-05-14T11:38:00.000-07:00

Free picture slideshow customized with Smilebox

Turn off Kara's music at the bottom of the page. This is a slideshow I made for Stuart in March on his 42nd birthday. It is more of our whole family and of course includes a lot of Kara Faith. He was an amazing Daddy to Kara Faith. His endurance would have tested the limits of any man. Dedicated and loving and faithful to her he was and is. Thank you for our little girl, Stuart!

I heart Kara Faith

2010-04-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

My sweet little Peanut sits on Ms. Teri's lap. I love her in this little heart outfit that her big sister, Celeste, got for her. Right now, some days, I have to remind myself that Kara Faith was here and she was real. I just don't want to forget anything about her...

My New Favorite

2010-04-23T20:39:00.001-07:00

She was such a sweet spirit. You can see it here...

Collage of Kara...

2010-04-23T15:10:00.000-07:00

Today she has been gone from us for 8 weeks... Kara is sitting on Jesus' lap. What a wonderous thing that must be! I am wearing my purple and awaiting donuts. Enjoy her pictures!

49 Days

2010-04-17T09:06:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated 49 days since Kara Faith went to the arms of Jesus. We wore purple and had donuts. We visited her little "spot" in the "park." Today we march forward... It is the 50th day since she left us and now she has been gone longer than she was with us. My memory of her grows fonder and my faith is being renewed. I can begin to see life beyond the journey we have been walking through. God is faithful. He is in the business of changing hearts and I am praying for Him to lead me (and my family) forward. I am so thankful for Kara and we all miss her, but truly to have her back would be to limit her in this world. She is much better in heaven with my Savior. There she is perfect and lacking nothing. I love you my little Peanut, sweet Kara Faith.

I am still wading through the pictures that we took of her. There are so many and it's hard to look upon many of them. I hope to share a few here and there as the days come. Bless you, everyone, for being such a support to us and we hope that Kara Faith has inspired your trust in Him who made you.

Kara Faith ~ A Testimony

2010-04-15T13:53:00.001-07:00

For some time now, I have been wanting to share this testimony. It comes from a dear friend at church who also lost a child from a special condition. Oh how his words have strengthened me over the past weeks! I cried when I typed this up to share with you. May God have all the Glory for my pregnancy with Kara Faith, her tiny life while she was here, and her testimony that goes on...

"We need to acknowledge God when we see him in action. It is important for those who need their faith strengthened (such as myself) to hear, “That is God in action!" God has sovereignly worked in Miss Kara’s life. There are two ways that it is clear (even though we see through a glass darkly for now) that God faithfully demonstrates that Kara is both a heritage from God and a reward!

In 1989 when I had just received the news on the phone that our little one, Amanda Hope, would not live, I was overcome and had to drop everything and go home for the day. As I was driving, I saw a child in the car ahead of me that had Down Syndrome and was climbing over the seat. I realized that our little one would never do something so simple. I actually saw that a child whom even moments before I would have looked down upon-now had advantages that I envied for my own child. At that moment God changed my heart forever in regards to children. I saw that every child, Down Syndrome or otherwise, was indelibly marked with the image of their own Maker—the image of God. Therefore, every child is worthy to be loved and cared for by their parents. Kara has had a powerful impact on all of us around her. As a child created in the image of God, she is a reward of the womb. She is a gift.

Kara is a gift. The Lord, I believe, gave me a picture. It is the picture of a package. A package that when it arrived was wrapped in dark, fearful wrapping paper. There were no lavender ribbons or bows, but instead coarse twine that was tightly knotted over and over. This package is one that no one would have chosen. You, Stu and Nancy, have cut your fingers untying the course harsh knots with rejection from people, difficult decisions, grief and difficult emotions, and even doubt about your own adequacy in regard to your care of Kara. Then you have had to part with her! But as you were able to just slide the twine off and peek inside the package a beam of brilliant light burst forth! Oh my! This package that seemed so awful on the outside is truly a gift. Then as the package was unwrapped further, more and more life and joy of the Lord Jesus Christ continually has enfolded you. Peace, perspective, and courage came forth. The gift contains the fellowship of sharing in the suffering of Christ and obedience to His call in caring for one that the world would have put to death – Miss Kara. For He loves the ones others consider unlovely who are His. Christ died for the ungodly, even ourselves, who were unlovely and should have been unwanted. Our Heavenly Father willingly suffered the loss of His Son for our sins only to receive Him back to be with Him forever. You have lost Kara for now, but by God’s grace she will be with you in Eternity – a wonderful heritage. This seemingly dark and fearful package is a gift that will continually make you more and more like your Savior, Jesus Christ – the Best Kind of Gift, though you initially would never have chosen it. A gift you will continue to open in the years to come."

~written by Christopher Spencer--dear friend, loving husband and father, and fellow member of Abundant Grace

Fridays are Donut Day & Purple Day

2010-03-26T10:49:00.001-07:00

Eden Joy (3.5 yrs) with me Every Friday we get donuts in honor of Kara Faith. We started this tradition when she was 1 week old and still in the NICU. We would celebrate each week she was with us with Krispy Kreme Donuts. Yum! Also, since her color is lavender/purple we like to wear it on Fridays. Kara Faith was born on a Friday and went to Jesus on a Friday, so it's a pretty special day around here!

17 Hours

2010-03-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

03.26.2010 1 month ago today…

I held my baby girl in my arms for the last time. I rocked her and smelled her little smell. I touched her sweet little head and hands. I kissed her fingers and held them. She gave us an amazing last 17 hours and I wanted to tell that story…

Thursday, February 25th, 2010, we knew that Kara wanted to go home to be with her Big Daddy. Both of us knew. Stu took a shower and put on his date clothes—jeans, oxfords, and a button down shirt. I took a shower and tried to get comfortable after days of hardly any sleep. We called Celeste and told her to go get Jamie at the high school. We had decided that we wouldn’t bag her anymore if she had another apnea episode. We did so for the last time at 1:55 p.m. as the big kids were pulling into the drive-way to say good-bye to their baby sister. We were all here with our nurse, Loretta. We didn’t think Kara Faith would last long because she had been having breathing episodes at least every hour or so and sometimes more. I remember that I couldn’t get that heart/apnea monitor off of her fast enough. I practically threw the thing down and ripped the tight band that encircled her little chest off. I got to hold her without SO many things attached. It was glorious! Kara was on oxygen and had a humidifier. We didn’t take away anything that she needed. (We did turn off the crazy loud humidifier later in the day.) All afternoon we passed her around to all the children and we rocked her and rocked her. We took pictures. Lots of people from Hospice came. Friends from church came. We sang and sang to her. We were going to sing her right into heaven. Meanwhile, she looked lovely. She enjoyed us and it SO much. She cried a little and we fed her. I changed her diaper, her clothes. I remember the chaplain from Hospice came, Father Ralph, and he was moved to tears because he had never seen anything like what we were doing—singing and all of us around her and just enjoying the fellowship, worship, and a tiny baby. Our pastors both came. Friends brought dinner. My brother, Jamie, drove 750 miles and showed up at my door around 9 p.m. to a room full of people singing to a little baby. It was truly amazing!! Our friend, Teri, finally left near 1 a.m. Our nurse, Pat, had come on around 10 or so. Yet hours later, Kara Faith was still here with her family. Finally, it was Stuart and I rocking her alone in the night without any confusion from a busy day. Pat was close encouraging us. Kara started to run a temperature from all of the holding. She had problems regulating her temps anyway, so I was watching it very closely to try to keep her as comfy as possible. I had her wrapped in a blanket that my friend, Teri Garard, made for her. She was wearing a little onesie with purple flowers on it given to her by her big sister, Celeste.

Around 3:40 a.m. I could not physically stay awake anymore. I handed Kara Faith to Stuart in the rocker and Pat watched on. She promised me that she would come at get me as soon as something happened. At about 4:15 a.m. Pat ran into my room and awoke me and said she thought it was time… I awoke FULLY from my sleep and rushed out. Kara had stopped breathing in Stu’s arms, I fell to the chair and layed over her in Stu’s lap and wept. Pat listened to her heart and said it was still beating. Then I asked for my baby. Stu handed her to me and I wept some more. Then, right there, she started breathing again. (By this time I believe it had been a few minutes without breath.) It was like she was just waiting for her momma to get there. Then we thought that maybe she was waiting for her birthday. She turned 7 weeks old at 6:42 a.m. that morning. She gave us almost three more hours to enjoy her sweet spirit. As the sun rose on a new day at 7:00 a.m. Kara Faith took her last breath here and went to be with Jesus. It was a quiet moment. Her daddy was holding her. Then he handed her to me and her heart stopped beating in my arms. So we both held her in that last moment. We both loved her with a fierce kind of love that only a parent can have. I can ONLY imagine how God loves us if we love our children this way. When I received Kara Faith’s diagnosis back in August 2009 I knew that it would never be enough. That I would never have enough time with her. I also knew that God had numbered her days perfectly. So after 45 days in the NICU and 4 days at home, our sweet baby girl got to go Home. Kara Faith gave us that last 17 hours to truly enjoy her. She possessed the sweetest spirit. We were truly given a GOOD gift. I will NEVER be the same…

Taking Refuge

2010-03-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

Kara Faith's Temporary Marker

(Many thank you's to the City of Newberry and North FL Monument!)

I can still feel her in my arms when I look at this...

Feelings are pretty rough over here. It is a true effort to rise each day and do all the "normal" stuff we are to be doing. God gave me Psalm 16 last night when we were praying...

"Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing." (verses 1-2)

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (vs. 5-8)

Friday

2010-03-05T07:11:00.000-08:00

This morning was just like last Friday morning when Kara went to Jesus--bright, clear, cold. I awoke at 6:57 and watched the clock turn 7:00. I tried to remember every moment. I rocked her in the chair for 1 1/2 hours after she died. I didn't want to put her down... Stu held her for awhile and then Teri, Jeanie, and Pat fixed her up. I gave her a bath and dressed her in her polka dots. I wrapped her in a blanket and then I rocked her some more before Ashley Milam came. I walked her out in the winter cold and sunny bright to the van. I gave her to her Daddy one last time. He placed her on Ashley's lap in the waiting van at 11:00. It seems like forever ago...

I wish I could feel the weight of her precious body again. I miss her so much! I can hear her little squeaks when she cried and her breathing. I can feel her fingers wrapped around mine. I loved her yawns, her sweet toes, and her smell. I mourn with HOPE as I know she is with my Savior and I will see her again. Someone recently told me that a baby in Heaven doesn't fill empty arms. So true...

Kara's Celebration Slideshow

2010-03-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

(Please scroll down to the bottom of the page and pause Kara's music to watch the slideshow.)

I love you, Peanut!

2010-03-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the precious gift of Kara Faith! My arms ache for her, my soul cries out for her, but I rejoice in her now being with You. Truly, I have heard her tiny voice whispering in my spirit, “I love you, Mommy.” I love you, too, little peanut. I love you, too...

Mommy

I wanted to say...

2010-03-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

Months ago, as I was searching for information on HPE online, I decided to start a blog for Kara Faith. God led me to tell her story to encourage others who may, in the future, go through similar trials. In my wildest dreams I never imagined what impact Kara’s little life would have on so many people! Only God could do that! I am so humbled to have been part of God’s plan. I feel so blessed to have had the privilege of being Kara’s mommy and to be able to share her story. My sincerest hope is that Kara Faith has inspired hope and increased the faith of many. Our tiny baby has strengthened my marriage, grown my own faith in Jesus, and has shown me how completely in control God is—and it is good! There is no need to waste time on fear for He has ordered everything down to the last detail. Remember this, in Psalm 139 it says that God has gone before you and behind you and knows all of your ways.

My Little Treasure

2010-03-01T05:12:00.000-08:00

I washed her beautiful little body with baby soap.

I dressed her in the polka dot outfit her sister bought her.

I wrapped her in a soft blanket that was a gift from a dear friend.

And I carried her out to the waiting van.

I will never hold her in my arms here on this earth again.

Oh, how I miss my little peanut...

Today, I will see her little body again...

but it won't be the same.

My little treasure is in heaven.

Tomorrow, we celebrate her life!

Our Gift

2010-02-28T04:42:00.000-08:00

She looked like her Daddy and her big brother, Dan.

Her eyes were a light, icy blue.

She had Grandma Sara's hands

and Eden's little feet and tushie.

She stole all of our hearts

Such a gift from God, she is!

We have more stories to share about little Miss Kara Faith.

Right now our hearts are hurting, but we rejoice that she is now perfect and with her Big Daddy in Heaven.

Singing with the Savior

2010-02-27T07:12:00.000-08:00

Sweet Kara Faith

01.08.2010-02.26.2010

You were created to strengthen the faith of God's people.

Thank you, Jesus, for allowing us to be part of her purpose...

Kara Faith Comes Home

2010-02-25T09:44:00.000-08:00

For many days prior to Kara Faith coming home from the hospital I had been worrying. I was worrying that she would not be able to handle the car ride home and would die in the back of my suburban. It was something I just hadn’t been able to get around. The four days prior to her discharge, Kara had not had one breathing “episode” where she needed to be bagged. On February 22, 2010, Stu and I arrived at Shands NICU III to pick up our precious daughter. Upon arrival we discover that Kara had to have breathing assistance at 3 a.m. and 9 a.m. Again, my fears surfaced. It was then that I had to come to the realization that God would not have gotten us this far to have Kara Faith die in my suburban. I had to stand on that.

We got Kara Faith all set up on her portable oxygen and her heart/apnea monitor. She was placed in my lap and we were wheeled out to our waiting truck. Here I was just like every other mommy taking my baby girl home, except my baby girl was 45 days old, had a trach, a g-tube, and was hooked up to her lifeline—35% oxygen. Daddy followed right next to us with that O2 tank. It took 5 of us to take her to the car: Kara was in my arms, Stu followed with oxygen, Dr. Willis—the car bed lady pushed the wheelchair, Andrea Sullivan—NICU nurse extraordinaire, and Kerry—the discharge nurse who trained us to take care of Kara Faith. I handed little Peanut to Stu and he placed her in her car bed. (It took up 2 seats in my suburban.) Dr. Willis made sure she was nice and snug and we arranged all of the equipment—02 tank and tubing hooked up to Kara, suction machine for her trach, heart/apnea monitor, and an ambu-bag in case of breathing difficulty. I was to give her a few drops of sterile saline every 10-15 minutes to keep her airway moist and off we went. Stu was driving and I was watching over our sweet baby girl. A little way down Archer Road and she sets off the apnea monitor (it is CRAZY loud) and my heart leaps! I rub on her and check everything and the monitor quiets. She is fine. Then it really starts to pour as we get on I-75. I call my amazing friend, Chris Tuttle. We’re racing down the Interstate in the pouring rain and Chris and her husband, Donnie, are praying fervently via speakerphone for our protection, for Kara Faith’s breathing, for safety, for peace. God was right there in that car that day. It was palpable. Christ was knitting together good friends who trusted in Him for His goodness. Those prayers sustained us for the rest of the trip to our home.

We pull into our garage. I get out and come around to Kara’s side, unbuckle her, and gently lift her into my arms. Daddy follows with her O2. Little faces are now peeking out of the door to see their baby sister coming home. At home that morning was: Dan 10, Max 9, Tommy 5.5, Eden Joy 3.5, Joshua 22 months. Celeste 18 and Jamie 15 were in class. Tiffany Schwarz and Pam Waters were caring for our children that day. Pam Waters was there when we came through the door with Kara. Oh what a gift that day was! The kids were so excited! Teri Garard, our dear church friend and angel here on earth, arrived. She works for Hospice of the Nature Coast, but was there as our friend that day. Teri held Kara while I got her crib organized. Pediatric Health Choice arrived to set up all the equipment. It was then that we realized that the “tree” on the oxygen tank was not compatible with the hook-up on the ambu-bag. Had we had trouble and needed it on the trip home it would have taken us precious minutes to locate the right fitting and get all in working order. God truly was watching over her…

Jeanie Marino, Evelyn, Dax Balch, and Beth Wunder arrived from Hospice. They planned to provide continuous care nursing for Kara Faith. It took until near midnight for the nurse to arrive, so Jeanie and Evelyn cared superbly for our daughter until Pat Dahl (we absolutely love Pat) arrived. We can’t thank them enough for the tender care they gave Kara and us during those first hours at home.

From the time we arrived home with Kara Faith until late the next morning I felt like I was standing on a cliff and about to jump. The adrenaline was unreal! I barely slept. Stu was so vigilant in caring for our daughter and me during this time. Kara had set her monitors off on several occasions and I just didn’t want to miss a minute with her. He encouraged me to sleep and he stayed up with Pat and took care of Kara. (I think I slept 3 hours that first night.) Finally, around 10 o’clock on Tuesday morning I felt peace settle over me. I could pick her up at any time and hold her. I could change her diaper, feed her and just do whatever I wanted with her because she was home in her crib in my house. I had to trade all that fear for faith that God, along with Hospice and our friends, would sustain us and Kara Faith in the coming exciting and stress-filled days.

Coming Home on Monday!

2010-02-20T06:07:00.000-08:00

My Precious Girl...

Little Miss Kara is coming home this Monday! Last Tuesday she was doing so badly that we didn't think we would see this day. Early Wednesday morning she received a transfusion. Cardiology recommends that babies with TOF (Tetrology of Flow) have a hemocrit of 45 or greater. Hers was 31. Also, they added a new heart medication Wednesday afternoon. She is on Lasix and Captopril. Thursday she was a new baby!!!

So yesterday we met with Nature Coast Hospice. They are wonderful and will be walking with us and helping us through this journey with Kara. I believe they are providing 3 full days of nursing care to get us started and so we are comfortable. Also, Pediatric Health Choice came and gave us a 2 hour seminar on all of the equipment we will be using at home and portable for Kara. The portable oxygen tanks only last 1.5 hours, so they gave us 4 and will be delivering more. We'll have a home oxygen mixer, a compressor for the humidifier, a heart/apnea monitor, a portable suction machine. These are her lifeline. Then they tell us the apnea monitor has to stay 6 feet away from any other electronic device... Not sure how that works! We'll see because we don't want it going off all the time. The car seat lady came and we got a car bed for Kara. She cannot sit up in a car seat because of her trach and no head control. It will take up 2 seats in my Suburban.

Please pray for these things:

**that Kara would remain healthy for the next 2 days of stay in the NICU.

**that Stuart and I would have a great peace about caring for her, no anxiety

**that I would not be afraid of anything happening in the truck on the way home from the hospital...

**pray for the people from Hospice and Ped. Health Choice that will be assisting us (They are angels!)

**our children would be calm, healthy, and enjoy their sister very much

We are so thankful for all the prayers of the Faithful people of God! They have held us together and made all the difference for Kara. God has done a work. Every day is a gift with her and we are determined to celebrate her life and enjoy her as long as possible. God bless you!

In about a week...

2010-02-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

All the kids together and Daddy on Valentine's Day!

Max enjoys holding his sister.
Joshua gives Kara a sweet little kiss...

Little Miss Kara Faith is going to be coming home in about 1 week. They told us the goal is Monday, February 22nd. That seems soon and there is SO much to do! Because of all her equipment and some of the care she will need, we are going to set her up in what is now our home school room. It is right off of the family room and kitchen and it will be a good location for her. We are still troubleshooting to see if she will be able to handle a bouncy seat. Also, I think she will come home from the hospital in a car bed and not a car seat. All new to us. At home there will be a heart monitor, suction machine, oxygen, and a humidifier for her trach. Pray for us as we care for her around the clock. We will have to work some schedule where we take turns sleeping. Someone needs to be awake with her 24/7 and they are having a hard time finding a nurse for us that will come at all--let alone the 11-7 shift so we can get some sleep. Evidently pediatric in-home nurses are rare in our area and then finding one that will care for a child with a trach is another hurdle. We will need a supernatural strength that God can provide. Leaning on Him during these wonderful and apprehensive days ahead!

Love you to the moon and back

2010-02-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

"That's very far, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. He was almost too sleepy to think anymore. Then he looked beyond the thornbrushes, out into the big, dark night. Nothing could be farther than the sky. "I love you right up to the moon," he said, and closed his eyes. "Oh, that's far," said Big Nutbrown Hare. "That is very far." Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him good night. Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you right up to the moon--and back."

This reminds me of how Kara is laying in her bed when I leave every day. I tell her I love her and kiss her on the head. And...I love her right up to the moon... and back.

Happy Valentine's Day, Miss Kara Faith! (this weekend)

With all my heart...Mommy

Some Pics

2010-02-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

She just looked so precious today!

Love Always Hopes...

Miss Kara Faith Smiles!

Kara, after a relatively rough start, seems to be doing better with her trach since surgery last Thursday. Sorry I haven't updated, but have been soooo tired. An xray today showed she does have some edema in her lungs so they gave her another dose of Lasix to try to dry that up. She has been having desatting issues where she will drop her oxygen sats REAL low and sometimes needs to be bagged to come back up. This just offers her additional oxygen and some pressure. She was used to the pressure when she was on the vent, but was breathing room air. She came off the vent just a few hours after surgery last week. Currently, Kara is on about 35% oxygen and had a wonderful day today. They are teaching us how to suction her and both Stu and I have had a chance to do this. We will be trained to change her trach coming up probably next week. It looks like she may be ready to go home the week after next. We have to get everything in order. We had a BIG meeting today with her doctors, social worker, Hospice, etc. It was very helpful. Please pray that we would not have anxiety in bringing her home. Sometimes I am overwhelmed at how I will care for her, but God has ordered everything thus far, so I need to trust in Him. We are very thankful for our little girl! Go HERE for more pictures of the past few days and her new trach.

Love always hopes...

2010-02-10T18:46:00.000-08:00

Heard this song on the radio today... Made me think of God. He is Love. He is with us even in our darkest hours and days of need. I got some more hope today. Thank you, Jesus!

Trach Surgery Tomorrow

2010-02-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

Cute pic of Kara from today--thanks to Nurse Annie.

She is hugging Natasha the poodle and Boris the beefalo.

Kara is having her tracheotomy surgery tomorrow, February 4th, at 8 A.M. Please be in prayer for a smooth procedure. We are hoping to have her home around Valentine's Day!

Daddy's Gift

2010-02-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

Many nights my husband, Stuart, goes up to visit little Kara and he reads books to her. A couple nights ago he took this favorite to share...

From Schoolastic.com: "A young girl and her father take a nighttime stroll near the farm where they live to look for owls. It is a beautiful night, a moonlit winter night. Bundled tightly against the cold, they trudge through the pristine snow, "whiter than the milk in a cereal bowl." As they go, hidden in ink-blue shadows, a fox, a raccoon, a field mouse and a deer watch them pass. A delicate tension builds as the father imitates the great horned owl's call once without answer, then again. Finally, from out of the darkness "an echo/came threading its way/through the trees."

Author Yolen has given the very youngest readers an understated vignette, completely from real life. The young girl, in fact, is based on her own daughter. There is nothing overtly fantastical here. But John Schoenherr's Caldecott Award-winning watercolor paintings have made the familiar wonderful and strange. From his brush emerges the bold stare of a nocturnal owl, and farmhouse seen from the point of view of one. A beautiful picture book, infused with poetry, which is perfect for reading aloud again and again."

And from the last page:

"When you go owling

you don't need words

or warm...

or anything but hope.

That's what Pa says.

The kind of hope

that flies on silent wings

under a shining Owl Moon."

I have that hope for Kara, that she will be able to experience God's creation with me in some way, the way this little girl in the book was able to share and be shepherded by her father... (by her Daddy, Stuart)

Extubation Day

2010-01-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

Kara was all dressed up when we arrived...

Kara's face without tape or tubes!!

Kara doing her trial off the vent...

Mommy loves you SO MUCH! Resting comfy with a new vent.

Yesterday, when we arrived at the NICU, Kara was all dressed up in a cute little outfit thanks to her nurse, Melissa! I was so thrilled! It was a big day for her. Dr. Morse pulled her off the vent around noon and they worked with Kara for about 30 minutes. She is able to breathe on her own, but she kept shutting her mouth. Since she has no nasal airway, her heart rate would fall and her O2 saturation would fall also. They tried several things, but she was being stubborn, so they re-intubated her around 12:30 with a slightly larger tube. She seems much better with the larger tube. The next step is to contact Dr. Collins, her ENT, and schedule surgery for a trach. We are waiting to hear when that can be done...

It was a scary day for me. I felt like I had to face the situation that Kara could leave us yesterday. I was very teary and I still am. It is very evident that I am not ready to let my little girl go... She is so funny. She is showing preferences to certain things. She doesn't like the hand splints that the OT made for her. She does calm when I put my hand on her head, pat her belly, and speak in her ear. Please pray that she does not get sick during the rest of her stay in the NICU. She will be safer at home from some bad germs. I am hoping we only have about 2 more weeks and then we adjust our home life to a "new normal." Thank you for ALL the prayers and I will try to keep things updated.

GTube Results and Plans

2010-01-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Kara's New G-Tube

Kara had her gtube surgery on Friday 1/23 and it went very well. As of yesterday (Sunday), she was taken off of IV fluids for the first time since she was born AND she was back on breast milk via a continuous feed. She finally started pooping last night late. These are ALL wonderful things which show her system is adjusting well to the new gtube. Saturday and Saturday evening once she came out from under the anesthesia she was having some pain, poor little thing, so they were giving her Tylenol, but she is doing just great now!

On to the next thing! This Wednesday, January 27th, Dr. Morse plans to pull her off the vent (extubate her) sometime between 9-10 a.m. Stu and I both plan to be close by for this. It may be immediately evident it won't work OR it could take several hours. He wants to do it in the morning so he can watch her through the day. Her oxygen sats could fall after several hours and that would mean she's working too hard. In either case, they would intubate her again and use the vent to keep her airway open until we could get a tracheotomy surgery scheduled. So we will know something by the end of Wednesday is my guess.

Otherwise, Kara seems to be doing well. She is tolerating her feedings and she is gaining weight. Her weight last night was 6 pounds, 2.2 ounces. Keep praying so we can bring our little girl home and SOON! I need to get ready by moving the crib and such. We'll be needing help from various agencies and that has to be lined up. Plus I will need to figure out follow-up appointments with various specialists. Kara has a Neonatologist, an Endocrinologist, a Cardiologist, a Neurologist, a PT, and an OT. Hope I didn't leave anyone out!! LOL!

Having G-tube Surgery Tomorrow

2010-01-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Sweet Kara was laying like this when I arrived for today's visit.

Daddy, Dan, & Kara Faith

Kara Faith is having surgery tomorrow morning at 11AM. It is to insert a gastro-tube (G-tube) for feeding. This is supposed to be a simple procedure that is done laproscopically. The surgery is supposed to be 2 hours or less. This is one more step closer to getting our little sweetie home. Please be in prayer for no complications from the surgery and for good healing. Kara has been losing weight so they have been adding fortifier to my milk. She won't be able to "eat" for about a day or so and then they will increase her feedings over several days. Please pray that her weight doesn't drop too much.

11 Days Old

2010-01-19T18:59:00.000-08:00

Kara Bear with her Momma

Plan and Update for Kara Faith

2010-01-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

All settled in for the night...

Mommy watches over her Kara Bear.
Daddy really enjoyed holding you!!

Big sister, Celeste, gets to hold Kara Faith for the first time.

First of all, let me thank EVERYONE for your prayers, our Gainesville friends for lovely meals, and for helping us with childcare while we visit our sweet baby girl! Kara is doing better than many predicted and we are so very thankful for God's mercy in this area.

Currently, she is on the vent still, but breathing room air. It gives her a little air now and then because it's like breathing through a straw and if she forgets to breathe (apnea) it reminds her. She has an arterial line through her umbilical area. Also, she is hooked up to several other monitors to watch her O2, her blood pressure, heart rate, and respiration. Kara had been having a lot of seizures which is very common with her diagnosis. She is on phenobarbital which initially caused to be very sedate. Yesterday, she seemed to "wake up" and was moving more normally and it was an exciting thing to see! Her phenobarbital level was 38.5 which they wanted it no more than 40, so were happy with that. We finally got her off the EEG study yesterday, so she is free of all the wires and I was able to hold her last night for more than an hour. Sweet time, that was!

CURRENT MEDICAL PLAN FOR KARA:
Dr. Morse (our neonatalogist) has decided that the first procedure we will do is to get Kara a G-Tube (gastrointestinal tube) placed for feedings. Currently, she is scheduled to have this surgery on January 25th. Recovery is 4-5 days. We will need extended childcare for that day as we would both like to be present at Shands while she is undergoing this surgery.

The pediatric ENT, Dr. Collins, spoke with us. He looked at the CT scan of Kara's nose and there is no way to do an airway through her nose. It is closed and there is no connection through for any possibility of breathing that way. He wants to try to extubate her and see how she does before he would do a tracheostomy surgery. Dr. Morse says we will give this a try, but that babies are nose breathers and she would have to "learn" to breath a different way, so it may not be successful. We will do this after her g-tube surgery is healed. If removing Kara from the vent is not successful, then we will proceed with doing a trach and that is the way to get her home. Kara has good lung functiion and Dr. Collins believes there is no more risk to do the trach procedure on Kara than any other patient. Praise the Lord because we were previously given other information! Recovery from trach surgery is about 1 week. All things considered, I believe we are looking at around 3 more weeks in the NICU if all goes well.

In addition, Kara had an endocrinology consult. One of the scans done showed that Kara is missing half of her pituitary gland. She is currently getting hydrocoritisone to replace that hormone which is lacking and caused her cortisol levels to be off. They are watching her thyroid function, also, and may add synthroid if she needs it. Kara is taking 50ml feeds of mom's milk and tolerating it perfectly. No reflux or anything! She's peeing and pooping just like any normal baby does. I am doing amazingly well with pumping every 3 hours and she is totally on mom's milk. I am hoping to keep this up as the antibodies this provides is best for her as she goes through surgery. Kara was 5 pounds, 14 ounces at birth and as of this morning is 6 pounds, 1 ounce. We are praying she gains weight appropriately as I usually have trouble with supply and fatty content of my milk. (I am wondering if they will call to supplement her if her weight gain doesn't pick up...)

We have been impressed with the nursing staff at Shands. They have been very friendly and helpful and caring with our baby. Also, we've been approached by many of the staff members that had known of Kara and had been praying for her before she arrived. God is so good!

So currently we are in a holding pattern for the next week awaiting Kara's g-tube surgery. Pray we can hold it together at home, at work, and with our sweet daughter. Stuart is going back to work this week. I am hoping to be able to drive at one point. My truck is in the shop and we are praying it's a minor repair... This race can be exhausting. I feel torn because my family needs me and my baby needs me. I am praying for God's grace one day at a time. If I seem scatterbrained, I am! Sometimes I am tired. Thank you for all of your prayers!

6 Days Old

2010-01-14T14:22:00.000-08:00

Today sweet Kara got a bath and I just wanted to show her off!

Update on Kara

2010-01-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

MEDICAL STATUS INFO FROM YESTERDAY...

We finally got to meet with Dr. Morse to discuss our baby girl when we were at Shands yesterday afternoon. Kara, evidently, has a very difficult airway. Her lungs are functioning fine, but her airway is so small. If they remove the vent, it will collapse. I believe this has to do with her anatomical structure and it's part of her "mid-line" defect which is related to HPE. In order to get her home we would need to do a tracheostomy. I was thinking we would need to do this... What they are trying to determine is what the risk of doing this procedure is with little Miss Kara. Because her anatomy is so difficult the risk may be too great. We don't want our little girl to pass away in the OR...
**Our prayer is that the risk is minimal and that she would be able to have a trach.

She was still hooked up to the eeg study when we arrived. They upped her phenobarbital to a higher dose for "maintenance" so that she would not have seizures. Some of them are sub-clinical meaning you can't see them, but they show up on the monitors. We don't want her to be over medicated and Dr. Morse agrees. The Neuro Doc wants the seizures ALL gone, so I think Dr. Morse took the middle road on her dosing and they were watching overnight to see how new dose worked. I am hoping when we return this morning that the eeg machine is gone. Suzanne (NICU nurse we love) said she needs a bath. I would love to see that!

Another condition they found on Kara yesterday is a problem with her heart. It's called Tetrology of the heart which is a narrowing of one of the arteries (?). She has what is called Pink Tet. Dr. Morse said it is not a problem right now. Normally, a baby would have surgery at around 6 months to correct the condition. If she is still with us in one month, the cardiac team wants to see her and re-evaluate this condition. So currently this area is not an immediate concern.

Dr. Morse says she is stable. The MRI shows very underdeveloped eyes (optic atrophy). She has not opened them, but she cannot see with them based on the MRI. (I do have a friend whose daughter has the same thing and opened her eyes at 4 weeks old...) Kara is taking 32 ml of formula (or the breastmilk project I am currently working on) at every feeding. This is about 1 ounce.

Right now we just want to spend time with our precious daughter. We don't know what her future holds. We are trusting in God and thanking Him for the miracle of her life. I treasure every moment I have with her. Stuart has been going up in the late evenings and reading books to her and praying over her. Our immediate needs are people to come care for our children so that we can be in the NICU. Yesterday when I went it had been 24 hours since I had seen her. Right now I would like to go twice a day if I can physically handle it. Jamie is probably going to be watching the children in the evening hours when we go. I just don't want to overburden him. The 5 youngest seem to listen best to an adult, not their own sibling.Thank you for ALL of your prayers! We covet each and every one! We know that God can move in Kara's body (and he already has) and make things possible. I am trusting in His plan for her and just offering my praise and thanksgiving for Kara Faith's life so far.

A Peek at Kara 4 Days Old

2010-01-12T20:29:00.000-08:00

INTRODUCING...

2010-01-10T17:40:00.001-08:00

Kara Faith

Born on January 8th, 2010

6:42 a.m. via C Section

5 pounds, 14 ounces

I will post more information soon... Kara is in the NICU and is on the vent, but breathing room air. Please pray for us and Kara in the days to come. It will be hard to leave the hospital without her tomorrow... Go HERE for more photos.

36 Week Check & Amnio Reduction & Update

2010-01-07T18:21:00.001-08:00

36 week check-up
We went in on Tuesday afternoon for a 36 week check-up. I had been having lots of contractions the day/night before so we were anxious to see Dr. Duff. He approximated Kara's weight right at 6 pounds even which puts her in the 45% for weight. (I have NEVER had a baby this small, so this ought to be interesting!) My amniotic fluid increased a lot, so that probably contributed to my weight gain in one week of 5.5 pounds. Eesh! The AFI last week was 24.1 and this week it was 45+. (Anything over 25 is polyhydramnios.) That's one week of fluid production! So we were sent over to L&D Tuesday evening for an amniotic fluid reduction procedure...

My 3rd Amnio Reduction in 25 days
Went to Shands Tuesday evening and got checked in. I was having contractions during our wait--a good amount of them. It was around a 3ish hour wait, but we finally got our amnio reduction around 9:45 p.m. They took 1.8 Liters of fluid off in about 11 minutes. The docs that were there were great--I had 3 and 2 nurses and a med student observing. (I really did feel like a science experiment!) The fluid was sent off to do a test (FLM-fetal lung maturity) to see if Kara Faith's lungs were mature. They were looking for a number around 45. Her number was 10... My heart just dropped. Immediately afterward I had what they call "uterine irritability." Let me just say the thing went crazy with contractions and it was quite painful. During the couple hours following Kara's heart rate dipped a couple times. I received IV fluids and nifedipine for the contractions plus tylenol #3 for a bad headache. They recommended I stay overnight in the hospital and rest because I was still having lots of contractions. Stu had to go home. That was hard because I had never spent the night alone before...

Thank you to Teri who came that evening and played and watched the kids for several hours. They had so much fun with her! Jamie helped put them in bed expecting us home by midnight. Stu came home at 2 AM and Max (8) was on the couch holding Joshua (1). He had woken up crying and Max and Joshua were watching Transformers. (He is a good big bro to take of little bro not knowing when or if Daddy would come.) I came home about 11 AM on Wednesday. Dan, Teri's hubby, watched the kids while Stu went to get me. Then my good friend, Liz, from church arrived and spent all day cooking soup and chicken pot pie from scratch. The kids love her and she is the best funny story teller!

Since I've been home...
I have not been feeling well. Initially, I got home and had terrible chest pain. It was very scary. We got my OB on the phone and he thought it was acid reflux from the meds they gave me to reduce the contractions, so I was not to take it anymore. I was still having contractions all afternoon, so he called in terbutaline. It makes you really shaky, sometimes I get headaches, and it's kind of working. Also, I was not dilated when I left the hospital, but last night I lost my mucous plug. I immediately contacted Dr. Duff. He decided today to give me steroids to help mature Kara's lungs. I went in today for my 1st shot of betamethasone. I have another tomorrow afternoon. Even on the terbutaline, I am having contractions either every 3 minutes or 5-6 or so this evening. We are hoping not to go back in to L&D, but haven't decided what to do yet. It is looking like we will have a c section on the 14th which is next Thursday. Unless we have to go earlier...

Some thoughts... Time is eroding. I don't feel ready for this in too many ways--especially on the home front. It has been very difficult doing nothing and letting things go. I feel like my life is completely out of control right now. I know God has things ordered, but it is hard for me to not be able to do much of anything at all. Stu asked me the other night while we were in the hospital, "Are you okay?" I remember I just started crying. All I could think was that going through a 3rd amnio procedure was SO hard and getting the news on her lungs. I thought, "I will never be the same again..." Not after this. No matter what happens. I hope I don't totally fall apart at one point. I'm sure all the meds, no sleep, worrying, pain, hormones, etc. aren't helping my state of mind. I am trying not to be afraid and concentrate on God's goodness. He gave me this gift of Kara's life. I want to celebrate and treasure it.

(While I type this I should be laying down. We have lost the power cord to my laptop--hope it turns up soon. Please pray for the contractions to stop, so I can stay home and Kara can get the full benefit of the steroids I received today.) A special thanks to Lorie and Lisa who helped us with the children today!!

35 week Check-Up

2009-12-30T14:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we went in for my 35 week check-up with Dr. Duff. I have been feeling a bit better since my amnio reduction last Christmas Eve (6 days ago). My fundal height was 42. It had been 46 before last week's fluid drain. Baby looks good on ultrasound, but we still did not get a weight measurement on Kara. (I have been a bit disappointed since we have had NO weight on her since I was 28 weeks pregnant...) I was told we would do that next week. My C Section date was moved up to January 20th with an alternate date of January 14th. I expect the fluid issues to return by my appointment next week, so I think we'll probably be doing that earlier delivery date. I expect we may have to do another amniotic fluid reduction sometime next week. At that point, they would test for lung maturity. Be in prayer for Kara Faith's lungs to be mature when her time comes. I have had a lot of contractions lately and do have meds to take for them, but they make me feel badly. It is difficult to manage the children and the house right now. I am trying to rest as much as possible. My next OB appointment is January 5th. I look forward to that! Please pray that Kara Faith stays as healthy as she can be safe inside me. I want to meet her desperately and bring her home.

Heartbeat of Heaven

2009-12-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

Here is a video of Kara Faith's hearbeat. Her Daddy was really enjoying listening, so it's rather long. I know I will treasure this. I'm so glad we brought the camera that does video to our amniotic fluid reduction on Christmas Eve!

Update on Amnio Procedure

2009-12-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

Here's an update on our amnio reduction procedure. We went in at 9 on Christmas Eve. They were all waiting for us and didn't make me get an IV this time. (Happy dance!) The same resident that did it last time was there and performed it this time, so we knew each other. They got 1.7 LITERS of fluid off in just under 15 minutes and it wasn't nearly as painful as last time. I had lots of contractions afterwards every 2-3 minutes, so they gave me terbutaline to stop them. I was sent home 2 hours later. I was in and out of L&D in about 3 hours. I had a lot more pain at the site where they put the needle this time, but I'm chalking it up to using a larger needle. (At least it didn't take 35 minutes like last time!) Also, I had contractions most of Christmas Day and had to take meds for them. I'm still having some this morning, so may take more meds, but they make me dizzy and I pretty much can't do anything.

We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our Kara Faith and think it will be near the end of the first week of January... We'll see what the doctor says next week on Tuesday!

Prayer for Amnio Tomorrow

2009-12-23T16:18:00.001-08:00

After our OB appointment today, we are scheduled to go in tomorrow (Christmas Eve) for another amniotic fluid reduction at 9 AM. I am supposed to call to make sure they're not too busy before we go in. Please pray that this can be done with no complications and I'll be home on my own couch tomorrow afternoon enjoying Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family. I measured 46 weeks again and I'm 34.5. I don't feel prepared to have her tomorrow (or the next day). My house looks like a bomb went off and I have no idea how to coordinate child care. Please pray for God to be all over the details! Thank you!

Stuart & Me, Christmas Photo

2009-12-18T14:08:00.000-08:00

Here is a picture of my hubby, Stuart, and I at a recent church Christmas Party. Notice the big belly! It's sweet Kara's huge swimming pool. :)

33.5 Week OB Visit

2009-12-18T13:57:00.000-08:00

I went in to see my OB on Tuesday. After all I went through with the amnio drain on Monday, I felt I didn't gain too much. He measured me (fundal height) at 43 and I was 33 weeks pregnant. It has been more tolerable since then and my contractions have slowed. I received meds for contractions when I need to take them, but so far I haven't needed to--praise the Lord! I was very disappointed that we didn't take a good look at Kara and do a biophysical profile to check her approximate weight. It has been over 5 weeks since that was done and I felt they would be following me more closely... I have no idea what her growth rate is at this point. I can only pray that she is doing well in that area--I have spent much time crying and worrying over this, but have had to take it to the Lord. The doctor wanted to see me back in 2 weeks. He will be out of town for Christmas next week. I don't know what my polyhydramios issue will look like next week, so I requested to be seen by someone to touch base next week. I'm supposed to go in on Wednesday, but don't have a time yet. Dr. Duff would like Kara to stay in there until at least 36 weeks. We don't want immature lung issues to complicate her already challenged state. Please pray that I would not be discouraged during these last few weeks. It is very difficult for me to get around and take care of my little children (and it's Christmas!). My church family has been wonderful with meals and coming over to help at times. That has been a blessing! I have a hard time not being totally self-sufficient.

Fluid Drained Off Today

2009-12-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

Due to several hours of middle of the night contractions Sunday night, Dr. Duff instructed us to go to L&D at Shands and have fluid drained off to increase my comfort and prevent baby Kara from coming early. We were greeted by a lovely nurse, Vikki, who is a personal friend of the Walters family at AGCC. She said she knew of us and had been praying for our baby. WOW! Late afternoon they drained 1.325 LITERS of fluid off. It was horribly painful and Dr. Duff wanted 1.5 L, but I couldn't go any further as it took 35 MINUTES to do it. We are now home, but I am still having cramping from the procedure and contractions every 5-10 minutes. We are hoping NOT to go back in tonight. I see Dr. Duff tomorrow afternoon at 4:15 to check on Kara's weight, etc. They say they can do the procedure again on me when it becomes necessary. (I'd rather not!) By the way, I was measuring at 46 weeks pregnant and I'm 33.5! But we'll just take it day by day. I am supposed to be doing nothing, for now, which is hard with such a busy household. Thank you SO much to our generous friends at church for helping out with our children and to all our prayer warrior friends from far and wide. We appreciate ALL of your help and every one's prayers!

Our God is big enough...

2009-12-10T13:20:00.000-08:00

They say that I am crazy for letting you be born,

But one look at your angel face makes crazy all the scorn.

They say we can’t afford you–that you’ll need a lot of stuff,

But your pudgy cheeks remind us that our God is big enough.

They say it’s strange–seven kids so far–and ask what’s wrong with us,

How could we know that proof of married love would cause this fuss?

God’s Word tells me He made us, so when they look at you,

I’ll tell them not to ask me why, because He made you too!

Kelly Crawford @ Generation Cedar

Prayer Request

2009-12-01T19:52:00.000-08:00

Evidently, I don't do things half way... I went today for a check-up with Dr. Duff and I had gained a significant amount of weight. Over the past several days I have just been feeling HUGE in the belly and was afraid that the amniotic fluid had increased. Well, I was correct. I am currently measuring 39 weeks (fundal height) and I am 31.5 weeks pregnant. This is an issue because it could cause me to go into premature labor due to my body "thinking" it's time. Just to let you know how much I grew recently: I measured 32 at my last visit 12 days ago and now I'm 39. That's a 7 week hop in the matter of 12 days!!! At this rate, I am afraid of what may happen. I think the biggest I've ever been is 44.

Dr. Duff said if I get too uncomfortable, have contractions, or trouble breathing that they can do an amnio and drain off probably about 1 Liter of fluid. This might buy me another week or so at the point that we do it. I don't know if we would do it more than once. I've never had an amnio and I have heard they hurt! I'm a bit overwhelmed by it all. We want Kara Faith to stay in there as LONG as possible. Dr. Duff says there is nothing I can do, but I am still going to tighten up my diet so that my sugars are even better and don't fluctuate as much. Maybe this will help.

Please, please be in prayer that this doesn't continue at the rate it is and Kara can stay in there until at least 36-37 weeks. Thank you!!!

Thankful!

2009-11-27T06:11:00.000-08:00

I am extremely thankful for little miss Kara Faith. She is doing so well! I am 31 weeks today. Here's a picture of me on Thanksgiving. I'm getting so big that I don't know how I'll make it another 8+ weeks. Pray that God blesses the rest of this pregnancy abundantly.

Loved by Littles...

2009-11-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

Taken by Max (age 8)

I am 30 weeks, 4 days and these are Eden & Tommy's hands.

Our Beautiful Baby Girl's 3D/4D

2009-11-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

Caught with her hand to her mouth--so cute!

Kara's foot pressing against Mommy.
Her hands are so perfect!

Here is Kara's face. No cleft lip! Fingers curled around her cord.

She looks concerned here. She likes to keep her hands over her face.

We were so excited to get a 3D/4D ultrasound of Kara Faith on Monday! She looked so beautiful! We were all surprised at how wonderful all of her features appear. The doctors kept saying her eyes were small, but on ultrasound they look proportionate even though she kept them closed (which is normal). Kara has no cleft lip and a cute little chin! We did confirm that she has one nostril--I'm just happy for that! The opening appears to be large enough for an airway, but we won't know until she is born. She is doing a great job of "practice breathing" which we saw on this ultrasound, too! Pray for no airway difficulties at the time of her birth. We are so very thankful to God that Kara looks so good! (I am thinking she looks like her big brother, Dan, but we'll see in January!)

The tech was a little nervous because we brought Celeste, Dan, & Max with us to the appointment. She asked if they were prepared. She had only seen pictures in journals of HPE babies. You could tell she was quite surprised and happy to see Kara looking so wonderful!

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them." Psalm 139:13-16

28 Week Check-Up

2009-11-11T05:55:00.000-08:00

I went to see Dr. Duff at Shands yesterday. Kara Faith looks great on ultrasound! Dr. Duff said, "Look, there's some hair." Sure enough you could see an edge of fuzz on her head. I got a quick glimpse of one of her ears, too. Her weight has come up. They are estimating her at 2 pounds, 9 ounces which puts her in the 47%. She was moving all round and had her legs crossed. She looked just beautiful!!

Our only concern currently is that I am carrying extra amniotic fluid (already). The report did say I do have polyhydramnios. I am measuring 31 weeks and I am 28. It's just over the normal limit right now, but prayer would be appreciated for this particular issue. I feel bigger in the last few days and my belly has been hurting some, so this must be why. I have measured as much as 6 weeks ahead in a couple past pregnancies, but that evened out later. I am currently taking insulin in 3 injections a day and testing blood sugars 4 times per day. My sugars have been very good. I think the hardest part for me right now is to eat when I'm not hungry or to drink when I have heartburn. All in all, I'm just happy that Kara looks great and I am almost recovered from my bout with the flu! We have a 3D/4D ultrasound scheduled for this Monday, November 16th--can't wait! I'll put pics up from that. We didn't get any this time.

A little update

2009-11-02T12:40:00.000-08:00

Just a little update:

~I am sick with a coughing, achy virus. I am hoping I don't develop a fever or ear infection to go with it... Please pray for quick healing.
~I see Dr. Duff November 10th for a check-up which includes an u/s to check Kara's growth and my amniotic fluid levels. I will be in my 28th week then.
~We have a 3D/4D ultrasound scheduled on November 16th thanks to Dr. Marichal!!!

I am enjoying the cooler days. This is the "boring" part of pregnancy and I love it! Kara moves a lot and I am enjoying the baby belly, too. I hope to get some pictures done in the next few weeks. Thank you for your prayers! They keep me calm and comforted.

A Place for Kara...

2009-10-21T03:56:00.000-07:00

"In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also."

John 14: 2-3

Alone with my thoughts at 6 o'clock in the morning is not always a good thing... I started thinking about the fear I have. Yes, I am afraid. I have never come home from the hospital without a baby. Not only this, but I will probably never come home with Kara. I am trying to treasure the moments I have with Kara and focus on the good gifts from my Father above. I am afraid. Afraid that when I get home my arms will be empty and aching for my little girl. My heart will be at a loss. Will this crush me? I pray not. I fear the hormonal changes and the demands of my large family. I want to be a good mother to my children... Who will care for me during my recovery from major surgery? Who will help me care for my children? I have been told not to "borrow trouble" from the future. I am praying that God would order things in His way and that these concerns would be answered perfectly. Of this I am confident, that God is preparing a place for Kara and that in His timing she will be with Him. I will see her again some glorious day.

I contacted a photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep foundation. I am hoping they can come do photos of me pregnant soon. Then maybe we can do another session closer to her birth, but sometimes these babies come early and I want to be prepared for that. Pray that Kara Faith would stay healthy in her secret place and that fluid levels would remain normal. Your prayers are what is holding me together. I know it!

Things New

2009-10-15T07:36:00.000-07:00

Here Kara is showing off her profile. Her hand up there cast a shadow across the bottom of her little face.

Yes, we are sure she's a GIRL!

We met with our new OB, Dr. Duff, this past Tuesday. God has blessed us with a very kind man for a doctor. We went over our diagnosis and what we were want to do for Kara. Dr. Duff is going to take very good care of me and Kara Faith. I am sure. He will be seeing me every 2-3 weeks and then we'll go to every week near the end of December. We have a C Section tentatively scheduled for January 25th. It's a Monday... I am hoping maybe we can move it up a few days because it's easier to get someone to help with our 7 other children over a weekend. I'm trying not to borrow "trouble" from the future, but we are going to need a lot of help. I am praying that God will provide all the answers. I am thankful He has arranged everything perfectly so far!

I major concern I am having is my blood sugars. Dr. Duff added regular insulin to my regimen, but I am having a little trouble with that. I "crashed" yesterday morning, so we are going to have to play with the doses and times, most likely. Also, my fastings have not come down significantly. Please pray for this to all stabilize. I am taking the dose I took at the END of my last pregnancy.

Please pray for Kara Faith's health. She is looking good on ultrasound and her growth is right on for how far along I am. We got the best profile picture yet! I am at a point of peace in my pregnancy and enjoying it.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11 KJV

Seeing our new OB today

2009-10-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

We are going in this afternoon to meet our new OB, Dr. Duff. Please pray for a good report and that things will go well with him. I am nervous because everything is new now. I think he is going to do another ultrasound, so I hope to have a picture or two to share. I have really been wanting a profile shot, but we haven't been able to get a good one. I'll be reporting back in...

He Answers Prayer: A Praise Report

2009-10-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

This week has been a turning point. On Wednesday, Dr. Morse (a neonatologist with Shands) called me personally and spoke with me about Kara's care and my pregnancy. He agrees that it would be in her/our best interest to transfer my care to Shands where there is a NICU. The exciting news?!? Dr. Morse will be the Doctor who is attending/on call when Kara's delivery is planned in January!! Also, I was referred over to Dr. Duff who was highly recommended by my OB, my pediatrician, and several friends. Evidently, it is very difficult to get in to see him. My OB had to make a personal call. I have an appointment with him on October 13th!! God has seen fit to arrange my prenatal care with the best (Christian) doctors. I am so thankful! I have no doubt that the prayers lifted up for Kara and I are being heard by my Heavenly Father.

Kara is becoming more active and you can see little "kicks" from the outside now. I have been having lots of headaches (some are migraines) lately and have been very tired at times.

Pray for:
~my health--gestational diabetes stays in check and my insulin needs don't increase much more
that my headaches go away
that I would not let the enemy discourage me in ANY way
~Kara--that she would continue to grow
that she would be able to be delivered at full term (38-39 weeks)
that amniotic fluid levels would remain normal
Her life, that she would be with us at least several days...
~Our family--that they would be able to walk through this and see evidence of God's grace and
and feel his comfort. I pray this draws us closer to one another in His Name.

Psalm 86:1-7

"Incline your ear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.

Preserve my life, for I am godly;

save your servant, who trusts in you—you are my God.

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for to you do I cry all the day.

Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving,

abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace.

In the day of my trouble I call upon you, for you answer me."

Appointment Tomorrow

2009-09-29T14:18:00.001-07:00

Psalm 121 has encouraged me lately. Especially this part, "From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." I'm concentrating on that right now!

We have another appointment with my favorite OB, Dr. Marichal, tomorrow. After meeting with the neonatologist at Shands last week, we are probably moving my care over to Shands. They told us that Shands is better suited to care for Kara's needs and to help us afterwards. It makes me sad in a lot of ways. I'm trusting in God to direct my steps and will be giving updates. Kara is moving a lot inside me lately and soon, hopefully, Stuart will be able to feel those kicks from the outside.

Also, I am needing increasing insulin and we need to adjust my levels. I will be talking about that with Dr. Marichal tomorrow. I have never been on it this early in pregnancy and I even lost 20 pounds before I conceived Kara, so please pray that things would level out and this would not present/create any problems for myself or our sweet baby. Thank you!

Kara's 22 week Ultrasound Report

2009-09-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Top--all curled up in a ball. Bottom--sweet hand and forearm.

This is copied from a note I posted on Facebook because this momma to 7 is tired and battled headaches for the past 4 days, so forgive me...

In response to were we able to see Kara's face...

Yes, her eyes are very small. (I don't know what that means, but she does have them.) She does have a nose, but we couldn't see if there were two nostrils. We saw one for sure. He also said he didn't see a cleft lip, but the actual palate is harder to see. Her head is very flat at the forehead. Her heart looks great and he mentioned he thought one of her kidneys was a little large, but later retracted the statement. So everything else looks good. Amniotic fluid was right on and she was measuring 21 weeks 3 days and I'm 21 weeks 5 days. She is right on. Dr. Richards wants to see me again in 6 weeks because he wants to watch the fluid levels. He says we can see him or Dr. Duff at the Magnolia Park offices and he recommend that we come over to Shands b/c NFL cannot handle what we want to do for her. He called it "more aggressive" treatment. What he considers comfort care is the baby is born and they give her to you and you feed her if she's hungry--otherwise I guess you just let her go. We want a little more intervention than that. He said the babies that he had delivered with this condition didn't live long. I said, "Days?," and he nodded in agreement. Maybe Kara will be the one that will WOW him. Yes, our Father in Heaven has numbered her days and they will be what they will be. I have peace today, but am feeling some sadness... I was also told that even though Shands typically have semi-private rooms, there are some private ones and we would be in a private room. That was reassuring. So I suppose things are falling into place. Dr. Richards was just fine with us today and I was not offended with anything he said. They got us in to see a neonatalogist at the NICU this Friday. The only problem is that Stu has a cold, so I don't know that he can go up there... The appt. is at 1 on Friday.

Also, I am so very thankful that Donnie and Chris Tuttle came and prayed over our baby yesterday. We take great encouragement and I am feeling peace from the prayers that are offered over Kara and for her.

My Little Star

2009-09-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

I just had this thought, sweet Kara. You are my little star... One day you will be perfect in the Heavenlies.
I chose lavender as your color because your big sissie, Eden, is a pink girl. And now a little star I keep close to my heart... Click on the Twinkle, Twinkle music at the bottom of the page... I'm going to bed now.

So lift your eyes

To the things as yet unseen,

That will remain now

For all eternity.

Though trouble's hard,

It's only momentary

And it's achieving

Our future glory.

(There is a Day by Phatfish)

Precious Pictures

2009-09-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

Kara's heart rate was 157 bpm. Here she is curled up.
Kara's hand giving us the "thumbs up." (It's okay in here, Mom and Dad!)
Kara was upside down, so we didn't get to see her face. Next time!

Kara (and mommy) had a pretty good check-up today with Dr. M. First of all, I'm on insulin now once a day. I was having issues after lunch and dinner and my fasting sugars were slowly creeping upward. I only gained 2 pounds this month, too. On ultrasound Kara looked good and appears to be growing appropriately--Praise the Lord! To me, her head looked the same as before, but God is moving and answered some specific prayers that we have been praying. Dr. M. is setting up a consult with a neonatologist, Dr. Morse, for us. We are hoping to have this coincide with our next ultrasound appointment at Shands on the 23rd. (It's okay if it doesn't.) Then Dr. Morse will make a recommendation on where we should deliver Kara to best serve her--N FL or Shands. Also, we have been told there is a wonderful high risk OB at Shands (Dr. Duff ) that could take over my care if we go there. On my way home I dropped by the grocery and ran into my awesome pediatrician. She uses this doctor and loves him, too. By the way, he's a Christian. God is SO good! Dr. M. was so wonderful and there was a lot of prayer answered today for us. I was not discouraged at all by anything that was said. We are so thankful! I still feel the covering in prayer from everyone regarding Kara.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

Faithful Friend

2009-09-07T18:33:00.001-07:00

My good friend, Chris Tuttle, has felt moved by God to pray over Kara Faith. She specifically wants to pray before our doctor visits that involve ultrasound. I am so thankful she came over this evening to lay hands on me and pray for Kara's healing, myself, Stuart, and our family. Chris said this, "Thank you.... for allowing me to come over and be a part of this special time. I love you guys very much and the Lord loves you very much and this is one way to express His love to you and little Kara Faith!! Excited to see how God is going to move!! :) He is awesome!!"

Chris shared Acts 3:1-10 with me tonight. Now we are believing for healing for Kara, but ultimately desire God to be glorified in her life just like the man who was lame from birth.

Please visit Chris' blog @ Joyful Mother.

2009-09-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

I made this for you today, Kara...

The Doppler Arrived!

2009-09-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my BabyBeat Doppler arrived! This request was fulfilled by my brother, Ed, and his family. We are SO thankful! It took a good 5 minutes and I was getting worried, but I finally found Kara's precious heartbeat. (She was hanging out to the right of my belly button.) I could hear her kicking before I picked up on her heartbeat. We ALL listened for several minutes--Celeste, Dan, Max, Tommy, Eden, & Joshua. (Jamie was away at high school.) We called Daddy (Stu) at work and he could hear, too! I am feeling blessed. I hope to be able to record this and add it to Kara's page, so be looking for that.

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Phil. 4:6

Cute Little Pregnancy Ticker

2009-08-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sinking In

2009-08-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

Now I'm 17 weeks, 3 days and counting...

So far I have been just living with Kara's diagnosis and letting it be part of me. Sleep is not as elusive the past few nights. We have had some trouble with some family having very different opinions about our choice to let God decide our baby girl's days. Unfortunately, some have removed themselves from our lives. We are praying that God would change their hearts and that we would be a testimony of His grace to them. For the most part, our family, our friends, and our church has been a wonderful support. I think the reason I am feeling such peace is the covering of prayer we are receiving by so many. Thank you!

We saw my personal OB, Dr. M, last week. We still have lots of questions. Again he was not the most encouraging. HPE babies are so rare that he has not delivered one. We were told that the level II special care nursery at my favorite hospital would be adequate for her, but we are still praying about that. (I am really not sure. I would prefer my care be at that hospital, but her care may be best done at a hospital with a level III NICU.)

What we know about our baby girl:
**she has Alobar Holoprosencephaly (HPE)
**at 15.5 weeks, all of her other systems looked normal
**she did not appear to have a cleft lip or palate (which is common in HPE)
**she has two small eyes and we're not sure about her nose yet
**I can feel her moving every day
**she is fearfully and wonderfully made by our Lord

What we don't know:
**Which hospital is best for Kara and me (I am having some anxiety about this.)
**What her respiratory status will be once she is born
**How long we will get to enjoy her sweet spirit (I'm hoping for weeks or more...)
**What conditions she will have that go along with HPE

I am hoping and praying for: a doppler to listen to her heartbeat at home and record it (this is in the works), a 3D/4D ultrasound to have as a keepsake of her time inside me, and for God to work a miracle in her. I go see Dr. M on 9/10 and I have another big ultrasound with the specialist on 9/23. Keep praying!

I am reading and savoring James 5: 7-20. May God bless you this week!

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Hurting and Hope

2009-08-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sleep is elusive. Between our puking Jack Russell and cute Eden in our bed, I am awake in the wee hours. Since Kara's diagnosis I awake at odd hours and my thoughts click on and I can't seem to turn them off. We are hurting. Hurting and wishing for things that may never be. Hurting for there have been things done and said. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with myself. I have taken it to the Lord in prayer and await His response to my grief, my sorrow, my pain. And I believe He answered with this: "but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"Sweet little babies,
it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…" (Glory Baby by Watermark)

Her Name

2009-08-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Kara Faith comes from:

Kara which means "Pure" and Faith which was given to me after some prayer. God gave me the word Faith and a scripture to go along with it a couple of weeks (8/1/2009) before we knew what we were having or that we would be on this journey of faith. Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." I wrote this note, "For we do not always know where we are going, but we can trust in Him who does." Wow, God is so faithful to meet us at our need!

So, I believe that the gift of Kara Faith is going to take us on a journey of pure faith. I am thankful for a special name for my sweet little girl.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

HPE

2009-08-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

Here she is on ultrasound at this appointment. This is her humerus (upper arm).

Our baby girl was diagnosed with Holoprosencephaly (HPE). We saw Dr. Richards at Shands at UF. We weren't given too much information at the time of our appointment. Dr. R drew a picture and wrote the name of it down on a piece of paper. He told us our baby would not live very long once she is born. At almost 16 weeks, her other systems looked normal on the scan, which was good. He didn't detect a cleft lip/palate on the ultrasound. He said that my pregnancy should go to term. A possible problem could be overabundance of amniotic fluid due to the baby having trouble swallowing (polyhydramnios). We ask for specific prayer that this would not happen. We will go back to Shands for another ultrasound with Dr. Richards at 22 weeks. There is so much to tell, but the past few days have been trying. We are praying for a miracle from Jesus for our daughter. If that is not His will, then we are praying that He would transform us through this situation and use our baby girl as a testimony and instrument of His grace.

I have an appointment with my favorite OB this morning. I look forward to it and will try to offer more information. Meanwhile, I'm trusting in God and am thankful for ALL the prayers we are receiving. We really feel them.

What is HPE?

Psalm 139

2009-08-16T03:32:00.000-07:00

These verses mean a lot to me. It tells of how much God loves us and knows us, even from before we were yet to be...

1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake,
I am still with you...

August 11th, 2009--Changed Forever

2009-08-16T03:27:00.000-07:00

I am now 15 weeks, 5 days pregnant with baby number eight. I went in to see my OB and he did an ultrasound in which we found a problem with our sweet baby. She, yes she, has a partially developed brain. The outlook is not good. I know I serve a BIG GOD and He is going to walk me, Stuart, and our family through this. I am praying for a miracle, but barring that I am praying for His strength to guide me as I go day by day. We have an in-depth ultrasound at Shands at UF tomorrow afternoon and will be talking with a specialist. Please pray for our sweet baby girl and our family.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13 When Doctor M said there was a problem with our baby this verse was the first thing that came to mind. I repeated it three times. God was good to speak to me in my time of need.

First Ultrasound

2009-08-16T03:22:00.000-07:00

This ultrasound is from my 1st visit. Here we see our little baby for the first time.