This coming Saturday, February 26th, is the 1 year mark since Kara Faith flew to Jesus. I really think of it as Friday because that was the true day... Not sure what to do with myself. So much I have wanted to do for her, for me, for the kids, my husband, but things don't allow this. I think sometimes I am just stuck in being sad. I know where she is and I know by the grace of Father God I will see her again when I die, but it still hurts so much NOW. It's hard to fit grieving in with raising my large family, so I've pushed it into this little box and stamped the lid down. That's pretty much where I'm at right now. I want to run away somewhere for a week and deal with all of this, but that's not going to happen. And, I don't know if that would really fix things. I want to have JOY again. Praying for that daily... and hoping I never fall apart.
It's really hard to grieve when everybody needs you. (I need them, too.) There's no time to do it. In a way, over the past year, that may have been a blessing. I don't have time to get stuck in it. I think some people think I should be over this by now. This is just an impression I have. If you can't ever "go there" then how do you get "over it." I will never get over the beautiful gift of life God gave me in my daughter... I am just learning to fall and walk forward, in faith.
(I'm just calling this" Nancy in the Raw.")
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7 weeks old forever... 01.08.10~02.26.10
Click to Help Other Families with HPE
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 15-16
Our Little Peanut
7 weeks old forever... 01.08.10~02.26.10
About Me
Kara Faith's Diagnosis
Kara Faith was diagnosed in utero at 15 weeks with Alobar Holoprosencephaly (HPE). This is a malformation of the brain. Hers is the most severe type. We serve a BIG God and are thankful for the gift of her life. We are trusting Him as we walk through this pregnancy. To read Kara's story from the beginning, please go all the way back to where Kara's story begins. Thank you for your prayers!
Links of HoPE
Kara's Foundation for HoPE, Inc.
Click to Help Other Families with HPE
Follow My Blog
Kara Faith's Songs
4 comments:
Prayers for you, from one angel momma to another. We just had our 1 year mark 2 months ago. I was dreading it, with many of the same "raw" thoughts you shared. The Lord gave us an amazing day of peace and power like we haven't had for months. But I did take some hours to myself a few days before to let the lid off my box to make more room for the feelings of peace and love to expand and make sure I wouldn't overflow with sadness. But the beauty the Lord gave us that day nourished my soul and strengthened my heart. The burden has not returned with the previous intensity. I will pray the same for you.
In case you wanted to take a peak at our Angel Day....
http://heavenlyhome-brianandcatherine.blogspot.com/2010/12/happy-angel-day-darling-mariah.html
Blessings,
Catherine
A wonderful gift from our friends, Nancy, was the chance to just "get away" together and grieve. IT wasn't some romantic weekend or vacation, but a chance for the heart to breathe, to cry, to unleash. I know that feeling. Their has to be time and energy to grieve, it is truly a work. Praying those surrounding you see that need and help you get a chance to let your heart unleash...
Nancy, thank you for reading my post at the Community of Catholic Bloggers and leaving the link to your own blog.
I have been reading your story, and so many things you say I know about from my own experience. I read with tears in my eyes and am transported back to the death of my own child.
I feel it is a real privilege to share your story of Kara Faith. Thank you. It is good to connect with other parents who belong to that exclusive but heart breaking club of bereavement.
With prayers for you and your beautiful family.
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