Friday, March 5, 2010

Friday

This morning was just like last Friday morning when Kara went to Jesus--bright, clear, cold. I awoke at 6:57 and watched the clock turn 7:00. I tried to remember every moment. I rocked her in the chair for 1 1/2 hours after she died. I didn't want to put her down... Stu held her for awhile and then Teri, Jeanie, and Pat fixed her up. I gave her a bath and dressed her in her polka dots. I wrapped her in a blanket and then I rocked her some more before Ashley Milam came. I walked her out in the winter cold and sunny bright to the van. I gave her to her Daddy one last time. He placed her on Ashley's lap in the waiting van at 11:00. It seems like forever ago...

I wish I could feel the weight of her precious body again. I miss her so much! I can hear her little squeaks when she cried and her breathing. I can feel her fingers wrapped around mine. I loved her yawns, her sweet toes, and her smell. I mourn with HOPE as I know she is with my Savior and I will see her again. Someone recently told me that a baby in Heaven doesn't fill empty arms. So true...


14 comments:

Mary said...

For weeks I replayed everyday, watched the clock, and remembered. It was sweet, and hard. If you can collect the energy in the next weeks, write down every detail you remember. 5 months later, I am so scared I am starting to forget.

KK said...

Nancy,
I won't say that I know how you feel, our situations are too different. I will say that I understand your pain and loss. Your sweet, beautiful Kara Faith joined my little guy in Jesus' arms just one day shy of a year later. Nathan was 2.5 years old when a high fever and a seizure very suddenly ended his life. It is that knowledge and HOPE that we share of one day seeing our precious ones again that has kept me going through this past year. Each day I make a choice to LIVE life holding on to the hand of God for support. A year ago He carried me. Like you I treasure every precious memory I have. Please know that you can contact me any time you would like an ear or shoulder of one who is a few steps ahead in this journey of faith and grief. Holding you and your close to my heart in prayers.
Blessings,
KK

Charity said...

Praying... God is with you. Never forget that.

Just Breathe said...

((HUGS)) My prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry for this journey you have been given.
I have walked with many and it makes my heart heavy with sorrow.
I know that God is good and will be walking along with you but that doesn't take this unbearable pain away. I pray for your comfort.

~Miss Zara~ said...

I am just home from surgery.I have been praying for you and I am wondering if I could email you?I have special needs and I wanted to say how sorry I am and I have being hoping that you will find comfort from God he is our saviour.
Zara

Sara x said...

I to remember the day i had to leave my daughter. We wasnt allowed to stay with her for long as she died unexpectly and needed a post mortom. it broke my heart. The nurse took pictures but i still havent found the courage to look at them. When we got her back it was weeks later and to be honest it was true her spirit was already with our saviuor. The pain is still so very raw as i know it will be for you. Hold your memories close.


Hugs, God bless.

Sara xx

gbmom2407 said...

I noticed you took your music off. I wanted to tell you that every morning, when I have "my time" with my bible and then my computer I always checked on you and Kara first and then left your blog on to play. The music box and the rest of the music just touched my soul and when I think of it, I think of sweet Kara and your family. I just thought I would tell you how you touched my life.
Stay strong.

jewell said...

My eyes long to see you
Now you behold Him
My arms ache for you
Now you know perfect love
My ears yearn for your voice
Now you sing His praises.
I desire to feed you
Now you will never know hunger.
I anticipated the pitter-patter of your feet
Now you play at His pierced ones.
I dreamed of years of love and laughter
Now you will never know pain.
I longed to watch you grow and develop
Now you are perfect.
This isn't how I planned but I know He loves you
and me.



Monique Stam
momys

HOpe this is a comfort to you.

Dawn said...

I just learned about little Kara Faith on the MOMYS list. I've been reading and reading here, looking at pictures, and I watched her celebration video. Thank you for allowing us to share in her life with you. I can't stop crying. Lord bless you!

Love, Dawn

Karen said...

I found out about Kara Faith from the MOMYS digest. I am so sorry about your loss. I pray that God will hold you close and bring you and your family great comfort as only He can give!

My dear sweet Faith Evangeline was stillborn at 37 weeks on October 28,2008. I literally felt like someone reached in and just ripped my heart straight out of my chest. Thankfully I serve the Great Physician who is healing that Broken Heart!

Keeping you in my prayers!
Karen

Cheryl said...

My heart just aches for you. Thank your for sharing your soul, your anguish, your hope and you child.

Kathy said...

I came to your site through Tracy from the 365 Project. What a beautiful tribute to your daughter. May the Lord wrap you in His comfort.

Laura said...

Nancy,

I have been thinking of you today. Imagining that you are replaying the day that sweet Kara Faith was born. Asking God to comfort your heart today...and with each breath you take. You are not alone.

Love,
laura

Mrs. Belogski said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I found your blog very inspiring - to see how your whole family welcomed Kara Faith and surrounded her with love. May He Who heals broken hearts send you and your family comfort at this sad time.